Sometimes I'll suddenly stop and think, why am I doing all these? It's not even what I want to do. What am I putting myself through all the stress for? All these isn't even necessary. But I made the decision, so I can't blame anyone but myself. It's all too late now. Lost time, lost opportunities. But nothing's impossible right? 

Every time I think of the upcoming boardroom presentation I want to vomit. And the FYP presentation. And RMTR presentation. And Japanese Speaking Test. Why is everything happening next week? One on tues, one on wed, and two on thurs. Plus the mock FYP presentation tmr. Thank god WISP and MQE is over. Can't wait for Friday seriously. No, I can't wait for internship. Five months in Shanghai away from all these shit. 


P.S And the new kitchen! My kitchen's renovating now, hopefully I can get to see AND enjoy the end result before I leave. I'm not putting up with all the inconvenience (showering with icy cold water everyday anyone?) and dust for nothing! I MUST SEE IT. Ah but the tiler's slow like a slowpoke. I want to see the cabinets being built but gotta wait for the tiler to finish tiling first. Meh

Next Week
Wednesday - FYP Presentation
Thursday - Bcomm Boardroom Presentation + Japanese Speaking Test

Not really prepared for any yet. :S

I AM SO BUSY I WANNA DIE. STRESSED. REALLY STRESSED. SO BUSY THAT I DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING.

I feel like climbing something. There was once I was at my mom's friend's house when I was about 10, and there was a bunk bed. I wanted to try jumping down from the upper bunk so I climbed up and even tried to influence the other kids (there were about 4-5 kids who were my age there) to jump with me. In the end no one really wanted to so I jumped down myself as a demo (LOL) and ended up damaging the owner's ironing board (cuz I somehow managed to hit it on the way down). Whoa. Got scolded big time. The owner even had to throw away the ironing board. So damn embarrassing.
I recently reminded my mom about this incident and I realised all along she thought I fell down accidentally, not jumped on purpose. HAHAHA.

I turn nineteen today! This year's my last teenage year and it's slightly saddening. Teenage years are probably the best - you are at your healthiest, you are still sort of considered a child so you may still get babied (from time to time), no work stress, you get to enjoy some privileges of being and adult AND some privileges of being a kid and etc. Haha. Anyway I remembered I was most excited about turning 10 and 13 in the past. 10 because it was the first year I had a "double digit age" and 13 because it was obviously my first teen year. I can't believe those ages are 9 and 6 years ago now. Now that I think of it, I think I liked my 10th year the best. School was a breeze, I get to go out every weekend without homework worries because I usually get everything done by Friday night, I was really close to my cousin then because I was still going to my aunt's house everyday and I liked my class and form teacher.

They say the twenties go by really fast. I hope it isn't true. Ahh anyway 19 is a cool age I think. I shall insist on being 19 till next July 16.

You know those ads on random websites, telling you you're the 100 millionth visitor and won 100,000 bucks or something? I really wonder why they keep on doing that. I don't think anyone these days will get scammed by such ads any more, and it costs money to keep those ads running. Do they actually gain from it?

OHHHHH I'm so stupid I just realized how it works after I finished typing the sentence above. I think clicking on the ad will  bring you to another ad, which advertises a real product or service. I think. So the people who placed the "100 millionth visitor" ad earns money from the people who are advertising the real products. But then again why can't those companies get ads themselves? Why must they piggyback on those "100 millionth visitor" ads? Or do they think those ads work better? Or maybe my theory is wrong?

Actually I realized I can just click it to find out what happens but I don't feel like giving them the sense of satisfaction from tricking another person. I can imagine them tracking my IP address to a picture of my face and going "Ha! This is another stupid one!". Anyway my theory is probably correct. It must be. Okay I shall end this here. Useless post.

I cut my hair last Saturday. I wanted to grow out my fringe but I failed again. My resolve is always strong at the beginning, but after my fringe grows to about half my face, I'll start to contemplate cutting off that disgustingly misshapen thing. And I always do cut it off in the end. :\ I guess I will never ever get to have nice, fringeless hair.

Anyway my internship is confirmed! I'll be having my internship at Straco in Shanghai for 5 months. Whopeeeeeeeeeeeee

Every time I see somebody driving in the drama I want to smash my laptop screen. URGHHHHHHHH. Angst.

Today's the first time I faked sick and went to get a MC. Do I sound like a good student? Hahaha. I lied that I had a headache but I felt really self conscious and obvious, like I was doing something wrong. LOL. The doctor asked all the necessary questions, did all the necessary checks but I have a feeling the she didn't really buy it though.

Anyway I failed my TP today too. Warm up was fine, but during the test itself... STRIKE ALL THE KERBS! 
Seriously, this is the first time I struck kerb so many times. Usually I would just strike once or twice once in awhile. Embarrassing max. I don't even dare to look at the tester, though he was really nice. Every time I stuck a kerb my heart sank. I think it sank a hundred times today, it's now at the bottom of my feet. The more kerbs I struck, the more panicky I got, and the more panicky I got, the more kerbs I struck. Vicious cycle.

Top 10 things I hate in this world:
1. Kerbs
2. Kerbs
3. Kerbs
4. S Course
5. Kerbs
6. Kerbs
7. Parking
8. Nissan Sunny
9. Kerbs
10. THOSE DAMNED KERBS!!!!!!!

Meh now I know how failing a driving test feels like. If you have never failed it before, well it feels really demoralising. More demoralising than I thought it would be. I even skipped Jap class (I've never skipped it EVER in these two years), and binged on comfort food. Had a chocolate waffle and a McSpicy meal. Ahh the sugar, the fried chicken, the carbs and the coke made me feel better. Love you all~

Once piece of good news though is that I got into Straco Shanghai for my internship. Whoopee, off to Shanghai for 5 months. :)

Today's the first time I heard my dad's voice in 7 years. Don't know whether to feel happy or sad.

Sometimes I really wish I kept in contact with old friends. Kinda sad how I used to really enjoy their company and now we don't talk anymore. Maybe I should start being less antisocial and make new friends instead of thinking about old ones. But making new friends is so hard! Building lasting relationships take too much effort. I think I rather stay home and sleep.

Just finished reading Dan Brown's Digital Fortress (first published in 1998) and I found it funny how the characters were using pagers. The book is good, but reading it seems to bring me back to the nineties. Not necessarily a bad thing though. Actually besides the pagers there was nothing else to indicate the book was written 14 years ago, but one mention of pagers and my impression of the book immediately changed. Suddenly I can't help imagining the characters in nineties clothing, watching tv programmes on huge CRT televisions, surfing the net with dial up modems.. and you get the idea lol. 

Now I am re-watching Princess Hours (2006) and I noticed the characters were using those lousy (but used to be uber cool) flip phones with the ultra tiny screens, and even portable CD players. HAHA. I miss the days of infrared and bluetooth! Ah so nostalgic. HAHAHA.