Why?

This a another "why" post to replace the previous embarrassing one.

Why is my writing so cringe worthy? Why?

I think I should start updating more here so that I would have some sort of record of my life for when I get old and nostalgic next time (even though I am already sort of old and nostalgic now sigh).

So today (yesterday) was the first day of semester 2 in NUS. Only attended one lecture, for a module called General Biology (LSM1301). I love bio! The prof was a slightly balding, ordinary looking middle aged guy and I automatically assumed he would be boring (sorry..), but he turned out to be the complete opposite LOL. He first explained to us the importance of plants, and related a story of how as a child his mom makes him soups or something. THEN HE PROCEEDED TO CONJURE A RAW CHICKEN LEG OUT OF THIN AIR (I swear) and plopped it into a bowl in front of him. He then just nonchalantly dumped some herbs into the bowl (with the raw chicken leg), going "then my mother will add some leaves, some roots some blah blah" as he puts each bunch of herbs inside. Throughout the lecture he also kept pulling out various plants (some as huge as 2 metres), tubes and etc from a garbage bag infront of him (as I later discovered) as he explained his points. I think I will love his lectures, haha.

Went for lunch/dinner at Frontier with yuenyee after lecture and attempted to jio the poly friends out for mj. Failed. I miss how we all had the same schedules. I stumbled upon a blog of an 18 year old girl from Temasek poly today and seeing how she describes her poly life makes me miss mine too. I thought I wouldn't miss poly when I just graduated but now I do TT Even with all the (normal) presentations and the scary as fuck solo bcomm presentations. Or maybe not the bcomm presentations. Speaking impromptu for 10 mins in front of a classroom full of people? Nope. But I do well at bcomm though :D Fake it till you make it baby. (I guess the good thing about university is that you can choose what you want to study. Don't want to learn public speaking? Then don't! Or maybe that's a bad thing too.) I miss attending lectures and having lunch with all of them. I miss the food, I kinda miss the 6-8pm Japanese lessons, and I even miss working part time. And also going to Korea in year 2, and then to Shanghai in year 3. Poly really gives us a lot of opportunities to do stuff and develop ourselves I realised (not advertising). Even though I am now unfortunately a year older than most of the female freshies, I don't regret not going to a JC, cuz if not I won't be able to live in a foreign country by myself for 5 months at aged 19. Shanghai was awesome! May my university experience be as great as my polytechnic experience. It doesn't look like it will be, but it is only the start so we will see.

This Christmas

This Christmas is uneventful.

Really uneventful. I want to write something but I couldn't even muster the whatever to write. Yknow what is the whatever? The whatever represents my complete lack of enthusiasm in whatever I was talking about before. Let me write about last Christmas then, cause it's infinitely more eventful. Last Christmas eve was spent in Nanjing (whoo!). I spent most of the day at the hot springs, tried spicy (REALLY spicy) duck's neck and baijiu (a Chinese style liquor I guess, with 40% alcohol), slept, then woke up at around 6am on Christmas morning with a weird feeling in my stomach, proceeded to throw up and empty my bowels in the toilet for the next two hours, then went to a clinic in Nanjing, got scolded by the middle aged lady doctor for not wearing thick enough for the weather (I did wear enough I swear!), then took the train home to Shanghai in great discomfort and spent the rest of my Christmas bedridden. Eventful huh. I even bravely went to work the next day even though I feel like I can crumble to the ground any moment. /applause please/ Heh. But I think I got to see them moving the sea turtles if I didn't get my dates wrong. Which is great. I think I even managed to pat the head of one. (I interned at the Shanghai Ocean Aquarium anyway if the above sounded weird) Up till now I still don't know if I got food poisoning or maybe the baijiu dissolved my insides. But what I know is I won't eat either duck's neck or baijiu again. Not over my dead body. The only good thing out of this is that I lost 2 kgs which I promptly gained back within the next two weeks. While this is not something I wish to experience again, I do wish I spent the holidays this year more.... eventfully. Sorry for the lack of creativity in choosing adjectives. Haha. I need some adventure in my life. Anyone willing to give me some adventure? I will give you $5 in return. HAHA.

I want to move out

I love my mother dearly but sometimes I really can't wait to move out into my own home where no one touches or throws away my things without my permission. What would it be like? Living in a place where everything is mine, under my control, and nobody can sneakily throw away or move around my things for my best interests. AND AND AND NO ONE CAN STUMBLE UPON MY DIARY AND PROCEED TO READ IT RESULTING IN ME HAVING TO PUT IT UNDER LOCK AND KEY NOW. Some things in life just aren't meant for mothers to know. But my mother knows everything now. I am literally (or figuratively? can't seem to differentiate) an open book to her. Anyway, I don't even mind having to clean the house by myself, because even though I am messy I do get into bouts of cleaning frenzy.

So.. An apartment of my own. GLORIOUS. That would be GLORIOUS. I don't know when that day would come though. Probably until I am married. Bleargh. And would I even get married? I guess if I don't get married I can still move out, but would I have the money to do that? My crap grades which I received recently (heads-up: I have a D+, aka the lowest grade I have received in my life) seem to forewarn of a gloomy future for myself. I thought I could not possibly go lower than that C+ I got once in poly but it seems I have outdone myself this time. That F for physics in a common test in secondary school does not count. Do you know what D+ means? D+ = probationary grade. That's right. Probation. My future, you are on probation now. Better buck up or you will forever be living in the fear and frustration of getting your things thrown away without your permission. I am warning you, Rachel Tan.

It's been awhile

Hello blog, you are like a stranger now. I haven't posted here in quite awhile. Well, I have some news. I think I am definitely a changed woman since the last time I blogged here. For one thing, I am not a teenager any more!!! I am now twenty, which I still feel quite sad about. Maybe not sad, but kind of mixed I guess. But I feel myself looking with disdain at teenagers now, those immature, angsty children. Hah, I kid, I kid. (Don't get angry teens! I was a teen less than five months ago too) And there is also this weird sense of pride when I input my age as 20 in websites. Strange.

Another thing is I am in university now!!! No longer in Ngee Ann anymore. The last time I wrote here I was in Shanghai I think, so I was in my last semester in NP. Damn I miss my Shanghai life majorly, I am in NUS now, just done with my first semester and it kind of sucks. Meh I thought my first semester at NP sucked too but overall it turned out ok I guess. So, we will see.

I tried writing on wordpress for a bit in a slightly different writing style, maybe a tad more sophisticated (I feel pretentious now), but I abandoned it after awhile too. In fact I abandon most hobbies after awhile.

Anyway, I was just looking at my stats and saw a post titled "Why?", which is coincidentally my most-viewed post. So I forgot what was that post about and with mild excitement clicked on it only to find..... "why is Siwon so hot??" with a bigass picture of Siwon. I immediately closed the tab. So much embarrassment. I don't even like Siwon now. And why does a lame fangirling post have to be the top post. AIGH. And I thought it would be an emotions filled post about my angsty teenage feelings. But it turned out to be just a drool filled post with my pervy teenage feels. Disappointing. I am disappointed in myself.

Nevertheless, after typing this bunch of stuff I am feeling weirdly relaxed, like I just poured out jumbled words that have been swilling my my mind for a long time. So I may continue to blog here more often in the future. But don't get your hopes up blog, I am a busy drama watcher on holiday.

P.S. Didn't bother to proofread this since no one other than me reads it anyway, so if any of you who happens to be reading this finds it weird, sorry in advance! Haha

I am in Shanghai! Life here isn't as exciting or as fun as I imagined. But it's alright I guess. Though I still miss home terribly.

Went to look at my Facebook activity from year 2007 and wtf! My statuses then were all damn embarrassing. 

They all go something like, "Rachel Tan is is sad coz she cant make it to the class chalet. :'(" , "Rachel Tan is confused", "Rachel Tan is tired". 

OMG. Was it a trend to speak in third person on Facebook last time?

And this is my very first photo on Facebook. 

Can you spot me? HAHA
I miss being 14!

Shit la really need to lose weight this time. Ate too much during the exam period and now my face and calves are swollen. Didn't even realise that until I saw pictures of myself. Gross.

Anyway, TODAY MARKS THE LAST DAY I AM TAKING EXAMS IN NGEE ANN!!!! NO MORE EXAMS EVER!!!! JUST THIS COMING INTERNSHIP SEM TO GO BEFORE I GRADUATE WOOHOOOOOOOOOOO

Yesterday's pretty significant. First time in seven years. Strange feeling.

Forgot to note this down, I got my conch piercing on 7 August! I've always wanted it, and now I've gotten it.  It's my first needle piercing and it didn't really hurt much, surprisingly. Just for one sec when the needle went through and when the piercer tried to put the stud through the hole. But now it's slightly sore at the area, and I can't sleep on my right side again, like the other time I did my helix. Every time I accidentally budge it when tying my hair or something it will hurt though. The only plus side is that the conch is closer to my head and doesn't really get bumped around so much like the helix, so the chances of it hurting from accidental contact is less. Anyway, who cares, I got my conch pierced! :D

Read some of my previous posts and I realised I sound too chirpy. Eww. I literally cringed while reading. Some posts are simply exclamation mark overload. Reading my own journal entries are too embarrassing. I still couldn't even bring myself to read my primary school journals, I think I will only read them and this blog when I turn 70 or something.

The other day I suddenly had a thought; is my personality now my true personality? Was I born with this personality, or did it change and morph over the years to become how it is now? Can personalities even be changed? Or did I, along the way, started to pretend to be someone different from my original self and eventually I got so good at pretending that I don't even know if how I am like right now is really me? This is quite scary. Are having thoughts like these what they call an identity crisis?

I don't think I have mentioned this before, but my flight to Shanghai is confirmed for 30 Aug. Or have I? Anyway, the thing is it's just 24 days away (less than a month!) but I can't really feel it yet. Know what I mean? I'm going for five months! I've never been away from home for so long before. But that fact hasn't sunk in yet. Weird. Usually even if it's a five days trip I would get excited early but now.. THERE IS NO FEELING. I think my brain is just too overcrowded with thoughts of exams. Seriously, now that projects are over we are diving straight into exams. STRESS! But it's the last (ever) academic semester anyway, and there are so much to look forward to after this sem ends, so.. LET'S GO!


I'm going to be a curatorial intern in Shanghai Ocean Aquarium by the way! Curatorial work wasn't my first choice but now I am getting pretty excited for it. I heard it's going to be mostly desk bound though. And full of research work. :| But still, the word "curatorial" sounds intriguing. I'm going to start telling everyone I'm doing curatorial work and when they ask "what's that?" I'm not going to explain. Then they can stare at my back in bewilderment and wonder as I turn my curatorial intern self away from their mystified faces. HAHA. Sorry, human thoughts get strange at strange hours.

So hungry right now watching the people in Running Man eating lobsters and crabs. Ah.. this is torture. I want steak. Some nice, juicy steak. On a hotplate with a baked potato and lots of bacon bits on the side. I am making myself hungrier. I could have made something to eat for myself but I don't even have a kitchen now. I just want some scrambled eggs! I haven't had scrambled eggs for so long! But I have no stove. And no kitchen. And I am lazy to plug in my microwave, which is buried under a pile of stuff anyway. Renovating the kitchen is so much trouble. Actually I do have a stove but it's in its box. New, nicely wrapped up and useless. Come to think of it I think I haven't had eggs in over a week. WooooOOOww. I don't think I have ever gone without eggs for so long. Maybe now my farts won't smell. Hahahahaha

FYP presentation is over!
Today everyone seems slightly emotional, especially towards the end. I've always wanted this semester to be over as soon as possible but just now I suddenly felt like I don't want life in Ngee Ann to ever end. 


Anyway I find it cute how every lecturer just now is so protective of his/her own tutorial class. HAHA. Love the TRM lecturers, most are pretty caring. But still, Mr Loh's the best! :D

Sometimes I'll suddenly stop and think, why am I doing all these? It's not even what I want to do. What am I putting myself through all the stress for? All these isn't even necessary. But I made the decision, so I can't blame anyone but myself. It's all too late now. Lost time, lost opportunities. But nothing's impossible right? 

Every time I think of the upcoming boardroom presentation I want to vomit. And the FYP presentation. And RMTR presentation. And Japanese Speaking Test. Why is everything happening next week? One on tues, one on wed, and two on thurs. Plus the mock FYP presentation tmr. Thank god WISP and MQE is over. Can't wait for Friday seriously. No, I can't wait for internship. Five months in Shanghai away from all these shit. 


P.S And the new kitchen! My kitchen's renovating now, hopefully I can get to see AND enjoy the end result before I leave. I'm not putting up with all the inconvenience (showering with icy cold water everyday anyone?) and dust for nothing! I MUST SEE IT. Ah but the tiler's slow like a slowpoke. I want to see the cabinets being built but gotta wait for the tiler to finish tiling first. Meh

Next Week
Wednesday - FYP Presentation
Thursday - Bcomm Boardroom Presentation + Japanese Speaking Test

Not really prepared for any yet. :S

I AM SO BUSY I WANNA DIE. STRESSED. REALLY STRESSED. SO BUSY THAT I DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING.

I feel like climbing something. There was once I was at my mom's friend's house when I was about 10, and there was a bunk bed. I wanted to try jumping down from the upper bunk so I climbed up and even tried to influence the other kids (there were about 4-5 kids who were my age there) to jump with me. In the end no one really wanted to so I jumped down myself as a demo (LOL) and ended up damaging the owner's ironing board (cuz I somehow managed to hit it on the way down). Whoa. Got scolded big time. The owner even had to throw away the ironing board. So damn embarrassing.
I recently reminded my mom about this incident and I realised all along she thought I fell down accidentally, not jumped on purpose. HAHAHA.

I turn nineteen today! This year's my last teenage year and it's slightly saddening. Teenage years are probably the best - you are at your healthiest, you are still sort of considered a child so you may still get babied (from time to time), no work stress, you get to enjoy some privileges of being and adult AND some privileges of being a kid and etc. Haha. Anyway I remembered I was most excited about turning 10 and 13 in the past. 10 because it was the first year I had a "double digit age" and 13 because it was obviously my first teen year. I can't believe those ages are 9 and 6 years ago now. Now that I think of it, I think I liked my 10th year the best. School was a breeze, I get to go out every weekend without homework worries because I usually get everything done by Friday night, I was really close to my cousin then because I was still going to my aunt's house everyday and I liked my class and form teacher.

They say the twenties go by really fast. I hope it isn't true. Ahh anyway 19 is a cool age I think. I shall insist on being 19 till next July 16.